The Samoosa Run

I’ve just read a brilliant book called Riding the Samoosa Express…which is a compilation of stories Indian woman in South Africa have written in regard to their experience in meeting prospective spouses, and their own experiences in marriage and life in general.
Zaheera Jina has done a remarkable job in putting such thoughtful experiences together. It was heartwarming to read these ladies deepest thoughts and the hardships that they have overcome.
Yet when I completed the book I was left with a new found distaste for the practice of the so called Samoosa run.
It’s a practice of a “boy” with his family visit a girl….she serves tea and samoosas and is paraded. They judge her looks,her height, is she fair or is she fat….if she is educated, will she be too smart for her own good.
Thereafter the boy spends a few minutes chatting to the girl privately…to get to know her.
In this time he will decide if he will propose and then marry her.
In the week or so that follows the girls will wait and hear if he likes her or not ….
REJECTION
What! Is she’s not good enough, pretty enough,thin enough, fair enough!!!!!!
Does her family not own the right house or the right cars!!
If she’s known to have had a previous relationship than she is soiled goods….
Yet no one looks at the boy. He after all is in the market for a bride. And he is choosing.
The girl does get to say yes or no after the proposal….but i think it is belittling her integrity as a human being. It’s selling her worth short by giving him so much power over her future.

Now will someone please explain to me why is this acceptable. Why do we allow our daughter, sisters….us to be paraded like cattle at an auction?
Are we not worthy of self respect?
Why do we allow our daughters to be humiliated and have their self esteem further eroded by this archaic practic?
I do not and never will see this as a necessary part of life.
Even though I do not have any alternative to this whole process, I do hope that I never have to be a part of it.
I have two beautiful daughters….I do not know what lays ahead in their future. But I do pray that Allah guides them to their perfect spouses.

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My Husband

I’ve known you for most of my life. We first met in grade one all those years ago.
Who would have known then that our paths would collide. That we would be together.
In you I have found myself. I found my strength and I have found my weaknesses. We are so different in so many ways, and some may think that it is strange that we are together.
But we compliment each other….we are not perfect in any sense at all. Yet we find a middle ground always.

You are my rock, and I cannot thank you enough for all that you do for me.
These past few weeks made me realize more than anything that without you I am not me.

And of course thank you for always spoiling me.

I’m Forty

I turned forty a few weeks ago,and I feel great.
I had a friend over and we spent a day at a spa,which was absolutely perfect.
I haven’t blogged in a while…mainly because I’ve been busy but also because I really have been feeling blessed.
Turning the big 40 has been enlightening. I did not feel depressed or tearful.
Instead I say bring it on!
I missed mum, and more so my dad. I have been thinking a lot of him lately. And I know he would have been happy for me. I feel like I’ve climbed over the hill…the hill whose rocks kept me awake at night. Those stumbling blocks that were holding me back.
I miss them, but my life will go on. I feel them close in my heart..never far.
I am at peace because my life is rich with love and laughter.
I have an amazing family.

I would never had guessed 20 yrs ago that I’d be here now.
But I would not change it for the world.

Love letters

I have been reading letters that my dad had written to my mum after they where engaged,and also when he spent time away from home on business when we were young.
I have read them a few years back. My mum showed them to me,but at the time it felt so intrusive to read.

They are glimpses of what their lives were like in the sixties.The letters are so informative….covering general daily activities,coming and going of relatives and also excitement and anticipation to the life ahead after marriage.
I will talk of these letters later.Rather then depress me they have put a smile on my face. My parents had a beautiful love that spanned decades.

What I found so apparent however was the calm tranquil pace of the relationship….there was no instant connection. No SMS,BB…no cellphones or phones even….just these letters to pass those few months between engagement and marriage.

How absolutely romantic.
These letters are a real family treasure.