Lost birthdays.

This October will be a year since mum has passed.
I had planned a third birthday party for Nooreen last year. She turned 3 in October.
But mum passed away 3 days earlier.
I had a ominous feeling that last week,so I had postponed my arrangements just the day before she died.
The party planner,jumping castles and all else.
Everything was put on hold,until things settled and I felt better. But that right time never really came.
I didn’t feel like a party.
I did regret it after….as my now 3 year old has been waiting a year for a party. She chose her cake a year ago.I am planning to make it up to her. She will have that party this year.
It will be perfect.
We will all remember granny.
Her special Nooreen is growing up.


I’m Forty

I turned forty a few weeks ago,and I feel great.
I had a friend over and we spent a day at a spa,which was absolutely perfect.
I haven’t blogged in a while…mainly because I’ve been busy but also because I really have been feeling blessed.
Turning the big 40 has been enlightening. I did not feel depressed or tearful.
Instead I say bring it on!
I missed mum, and more so my dad. I have been thinking a lot of him lately. And I know he would have been happy for me. I feel like I’ve climbed over the hill…the hill whose rocks kept me awake at night. Those stumbling blocks that were holding me back.
I miss them, but my life will go on. I feel them close in my heart..never far.
I am at peace because my life is rich with love and laughter.
I have an amazing family.

I would never had guessed 20 yrs ago that I’d be here now.
But I would not change it for the world.

Patience and inner peace.

A few years back,before I had kids I worked at a mining hospital in Johannesburg. My dad and I travelled together during this time. As he worked not to far away.
I picked him up in the morning and drove us to work. He’d read the paper and listen to the news.
When we got to the hospital,I would say my goodbyes and he’d go to work. Picking me up at 4:30 every afternoon. It was an excellent arrangement. I caught up on sleep on the drive home.

What I do remember about that time is one hurried morning. I can’t remember why my nerves were so frazzled. But I do remember getting out of the car at work and locking the door as I got out.
The keys were still in the ignition with the car engine on. It was an old Mazda.
Just at that moment I realized what I had done.
The keys were locked inside!
Engine running.
I am not calm in these situations. But my dad remained calm all the time. He asked one of the security guards to find help….and surely a guy came along and opened the door with a hanger.
Thirty minutes later he drove off to work as if nothing had happened.
I know that if someone had done that to me,even my kids. I would have freaked out first before finding help.
I’m hoping patience…and inner peace comes with age.

Parenting each child

As you’ve gathered I have 3 kids. Due to their age gaps they attend different schools. The oldest is in high school,the middle in primary and the youngest is at a play group.
It sounds worse than it actually is.
What I was stressing about before this arrangement began was that the older two’s schools closed at different times of the year. So basically except for December they would not be on holiday at the same time. It also means that I’m up making lunches practically everyday of the entire year!

Crappy I thought,but after the first batch of holidays I’m not complaining so much anymore.
It’s been the first time after a very long time that I have spent time alone with each older child.
And I must say I enjoyed it. It was good for me and I think for them too.

I spend so much time with them together that it is hard to focus on just ones needs. To make just one child feel special at a time. And I had even less time to give when the little one came along.

So I think I’m going to embrace this craziness.I am looking forward to all the wonderful stuff I can do with my daughters and son individually.