The Grief Pill.

I haven’t written for such a long time. I’ve told myself that it’s because I feel healed. There is no longer that gaping hole,an invisible crevice deep in my soul.
I feel whole again after a very long time. And writing down my thoughts,my fears,my anguish was the therapy I needed to get to where I am now.
I miss the lives lost almost daily,but there is serenity in my thoughts.
The years have passed,and in the process of healing I have found myself again.
I wish there was a pill that could be taken for grief. How many people go through life and never find themselves again?

Grief Pill.
Take one pill every morning after experiencing great anguish.
Can be taken daily until relief is felt.
This pill will help you through the stages of grief. It will make you whole again.

The alternative is going through the stages of grief naturally. Listening to how time will heal. Knowing that in time we just mask our pain better.

It is a pain I will not wish on my worst enemy.


Forgotten memories

My beautiful daughter turned 5 today. I’m so amazed at the bright confident little girl she’s become.
As we lay in bed last night talking about the excitement of the day to come. I couldn’t but help think about my mum.
It’s been 2 yrs…she had turned 3 just after granny had passed. So much has changed, so much has transpired.
On her own she says to me that she misses granny.As we spoke I realized that her memories are fading…
She will have a few recollections of her time with gran….but it’s all fading.
I’m heartbroken.



I do not think there is any direct translation for this word in English. Yet ask any Indian and they would know what it is.
An idea of keeping family and friends close by giving of yourself to them.
Embedding yourself into their lives, so that you they care as much for you as you do for them.
Helping in time of need and rejoicing together in happy times.
I personally think it comes down to doing things for others without expecting anything in return. Overlooking the little quirks to maintain healthy relations.
How alien is this concept in today’s times?
And how sad is that?
Maybe my concept of Mohabet is skewed….
No matter,I think it’s important!

Life goes on…

I cannot begin to explain the loss I feel sometimes. Those fleeting moments I realize that my parents are gone forever. It takes my breath away.
There are people in all walks of life that probably have those moments too. I really don’t think it matters how close you were to your parents or how often you saw them.
Their loss, I’m sure makes a gigantic impact on everyone’s life.
I have a wonderful family, a husband who is my anchor and beautiful kids. With them around my grief is easier.
I find so much joy in them.
But I mourn and tear knowing that my parents won’t see them finish high school. Get married.
They won’t see me as a parent to grown kids.
I know how much I’ve lost….how much I miss them.

Amazing family

I had a small procedure done in theatre yesterday. Nothing serious.
I just realized again that I have an amazing family.
My husband was awesome, he stayed by my side all the time whilst we waited.
I would have left thru sheer boredom!
And everyone else sorted kids,lunches and supper.
I am truly blessed.

PS…did miss mum though.

Lost birthdays.

This October will be a year since mum has passed.
I had planned a third birthday party for Nooreen last year. She turned 3 in October.
But mum passed away 3 days earlier.
I had a ominous feeling that last week,so I had postponed my arrangements just the day before she died.
The party planner,jumping castles and all else.
Everything was put on hold,until things settled and I felt better. But that right time never really came.
I didn’t feel like a party.
I did regret it after….as my now 3 year old has been waiting a year for a party. She chose her cake a year ago.I am planning to make it up to her. She will have that party this year.
It will be perfect.
We will all remember granny.
Her special Nooreen is growing up.